


On Sneaking into Gerudo Towns

by allegrezza



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, Crossdressing, I swear this is not crack, Playing fast and loose with LoZ lore, Rated T for swearing, Sheik breaks the chain of command and solves problems, but it is basically 1.8k words of a bunch of canon characters arguing, pre-relationship?, there is plot hinted at somewhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 01:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14345145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allegrezza/pseuds/allegrezza
Summary: Link is the captain of no army, in a country that might no longer exist, leading five of the worst soldiers he could have asked for, on a quest that likely leads to death-- all in a last-ditch effort to save the kingdom he serves.But really this story is about convincingly crossdressing.





	On Sneaking into Gerudo Towns

“Send Mikau in.”

 

“ _Hey_ man, what’d I ever do to ya?”

 

“Well it can’t be Fado, the Captain or I. They might suspect any Hylian of being a spy or soldier. And a Goron may be too intimidating, no offense Darunia. Maybe they won’t be able to tell that you’re male.” Even Colin’s voice carried an apologetic shrug in it.

 

“The Zora’ve been allies with the Hylian royal family for centuries, a Goron might be less suspicious.”

 

“I do not speak their language though, Brother.”

 

“What about Sheik?”

 

“He’s a scary sonuva bitch, but I don’t think even he could convince a Gerudo to talk to him.”

 

“Well, what if our captain does his knight-in-shining-armor shtick?”

 

“Nobody’ll fall for that anymore, not after what happened last month.”

 

“Can we steal Sheik’s knives offa him? If they’re not afraid of gettin’ stabbed, maybe he can still glare ‘em into talking?” the Zora offered half-heartedly.

 

“Stop.” The Captain interrupted the conversation-- banter-- he’d barely been listening to while he studied the Gerudo settlement with his telescope. Ignoring the banter had been the better part of valor. Such insubordination would never had been accepted under his uncle’s command but... His uncle was dead, along with the majority of the Hylian army. Link would rather have his men’s trust than their resentful, silent obeisance. “Where is he? Sheik?” Once he’d looked back at the group, the warrior was conspicuously absent.

 

The ragtag group quieted at the interruption, glancing at one another. Apparently, none of them had noticed their sixth member go missing from their hasty campsite on the edge of the desert.

 

“Uh, he was here a minute ago, boss,” Mikau said sheepishly, glancing around the shaded area. Link reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He highly doubted anything bad had happened to the Sheikah Warrior-- he was far too skilled for that-- but he had a tendency to disappear at inopportune times if not closely watched, and his ability to be completely silent did not help matters.

 

“We can _not_ afford to lose someone in the desert. Who saw him last?” he demanded through gritted teeth. Sheik, while the perfect soldier in other regards, sometimes chose to reject authority when it surprised Link the most.

 

Naturally, at that moment, the shadow warrior chose to reappear, dropping onto their midst at the shady base of the cliff with a quiet crack and a puff of smoke. Mikau yelped and tripped over his fins, and most of the others twitched in surprise.

 

“Sheik,” Link started angrily, but the warrior spoke over him.

 

“I found the entrance. Sheikah and Gerudo once shared a bloodline,” he announced, apparently a non-sequiter. “They will receive me at the gate.”

 

Fado huffed. “They’ll receive you for a beating,” he said, folding brawny arms. “Those thieves won’t let any male through the gate, Sheikah or not.”

 

“A fair assessment,” Sheik agreed. “But I think we can all agree that time is of the essence in this matter?” Link just nodded, blowing out a breath; he had to learn when to pick his battles, and Sheik responded better to criticism in private. A reprimand for the disappearing act would have to wait, and the crisis at hand took precedence anyway. 

 

“If you sneak in alone and get caught, we won’t know to come help you,” Colin said, brow furrowing in concern. Sheik glanced at him over his mask, gaze seeming to soften a little as it always did for Colin.

 

“Unfortunately, you miss the obvious solution once again,” he told the group, and then, to their complete and utter shock, began unwinding his wrappings.

 

The Sheikah Warrior did not go unclothed for a second in the presence of anyone in the army camp. Modesty and secrecy were two of the values the Sheikah held dear, and it was taboo to see their face or skin bared. He always had a spare suit and was never seen with a single hand wrapping or piece of leather armor out of place. Watching him unbuckle his shin and arm guards now, seeng him bare slim fingers as he efficiently unwrapped his hands, felt somehow indecent.

 

“Fado,” he said, apparently unaware of-- or more likely, indifferent to--their staring, “I need your tunic.” The tall man raised a brow. “Now please,” he said, snapping his fingers, and Fado rolled his eyes but obliged, unbuckling his weapon’s belt and dropping it before pulling his outer tunic over his head. Meanwhile, Sheik piled his leather armor, wrappings and belts in a neat pile. Link waited in silence, knowing questioning Sheik would get him nowhere; it was better to wait him out. He noticed that, oddly, the warrior already looked smaller.

  
Mikau had not learned the same wisdom. “What are you doing?” he asked curiously, while Sheik took Fado’s tunic from him. He studied it for a moment, and then his eyes flashed, and it took on a new hue; the plain dull blue seemed to fade into purposefully light violet, and the edges took on a gold trim. 

 

“Oi,” Fado complained, buckling his sword back on over his undershirt, and Sheik rolled his eyes as he pulled the tunic over his head and tabard. It was too long on him because of Fado’s height and if Link squinted, he could mistake it for a dress.

 

“It is only an illusion,” Sheik said, pulling off the scarf from around his head next, though he left his face covered by his cowl. Still, Colin looked down with a blush, as if the Sheikah had made a dirty innuendo by revealing his hair. “Captain, do you have a leather tie? And Mikau, give me your sash.”

 

“Aw, can’t you just enchant your hood?” Mikah complained, but his curiosity moved him to untie it anyway.

 

“I would rather use as little illusion magic as possible,” Sheik answered, eyes flashing again as his voice somehow distorted partway through the words and became... softer. Slightly more effeminate. “And the illusion must be convincing enough to not warrant a second glance.”

 

Link wordlessly handed over the strip of leather, pulled from his own hair, and Sheik thanked him, gathering his own, slightly too-long locks into a high knot on the back of his head. Nimble fingers pulled out a few pieces to frame either side of his face, and then he took Mikau’s silvery sash and somehow tied it around his abdomen, adjusting Fado’s too large tunic beneath it to give him the appearance of a cinched waist. Then he straightened up, pulling his shoulders back and tucking his feet closer together. The others glanced at one another, though Link had some difficulty glancing away from the delicate point of Sheik’s revealed ear. It seemed oddly vulnerable.

 

Fado whistled low, raising both brows. “You really do look like a woman,” he said bluntly, and Colin nudged him. “What? We were all thinking it.”

 

“That’s the point,” Sheik said, just as primly as ever, though with his voice softened by magic and his waist ‘shrunk’ with a sash, it took on new layers of meaning. He had been teased for his fastidiousness before back in the camp, but now he seemed to be using it as an act.

 

“I don’t know if this will work,” Darunia rumbled uncertainly; he had a soft spot for the smallest members of their group, despite the fact that Sheik needed no protection from anyone. “You look the same to me.” Sheik’s eyes smiled at him, as though this were a compliment. 

 

“Well, you are not human,” he said, almost apologetically. “Unluckily for us, the Gerudo are not as blind to our gender as the Gorons.”

 

“But Darunia is right,” Colin insisted, concern in his wide gaze. “What if they don’t fall for it?”

 

“They key to a good illusion is to play off of expectations,” Sheik informed him, suddenly leaning into a stretch. “If I present a convincing enough assumption, their minds will fill in the blanks. And all Sheikah cover their faces, which will play in my favor,” he said, shaking himself slightly when he straightened again, before his brow furrowed in concentration. “I just need to remember....” 

 

He trailed off, stalking across their little patch of grass--only managing to grow in this dry climate because of the shade the cliff-face provided-- and starting to pace. When he came back toward them, Link noticed his eyes were closed and his chin was lifted beneath the cowl. At first, he didn’t understand what the warrior was trying to accomplish, but then, after a few graceless steps, the Sheikah suddenly picked up a swing in his hips, his shoulders shifting back a little, and his steps becoming shorter, making his movement less of a stride and more of a glide. A few more passes for practice and he nodded to himself.

 

Mikau playfully whistled appreciatively and Sheik shot him a glare. “You’re awfully good at that,” Mikau said with a smirk. 

 

“The Sheikah are raised to be masters of all disguises,” Sheik snapped, perhaps embarrassed; then, suddenly devoid of heat, he added, “And I had a sister that was very concerned about her posture, once upon a time,” he mused. Link filed away that tidbit for later; Sheik almost never revealed personal information.

 

“So what? You’re just going to walk up to the gate and knock?” Link asked wearily, and the others glanced at him. 

 

“It is the best option,” Sheik said, lifting his chin in challenge as he made his case. “We do not have much time; with the whole royal family missing, the country is closer everyday to being overrun completely. Mikau will not last in the desert forever, and the rest of the army is waiting for us to return with news. My magic is strong enough to get me out of immediate danger if I am caught. And if we are honest, we know that I am the only one here that could pass for a woman.”

 

“Colin could,” Mikau drawled helpfully, while the youth responded by spluttering and blushing.

 

“Colin is not capable of the lie,” Sheik said simply, crimson eyes placidly resting on Link. Link knew that he was appearing to wait for permission. He also knew that Sheik would go with or without it.

 

Goddesses damn this bunch of misfits he was forced to call his best soldiers.

 

“Yes, fine,” the knight snapped, temper ever on-edge these days. “Go. Be quick as you can and don’t draw attention to yourself if you can help it. Any trouble, throw one of your colored smoke bombs and hopefully we’ll spot it,” he said, tapping his telescope. “And if you’re not back in twelve hours we’re coming in after you.” Sheik’s eyes glinted and Link would have suspected amusement, but could not prove it because the rest of the warrior’s features were hidden. Link hoped his face did not burn when he realized his tirade had amounted to _be careful and come back._ Not exactly professional leadership, but there were no commanders or generals left to demote him for it.

 

“Yessir,” Sheik murmured demurely in that new, softer voice of his. “Right away, sir.” Then he winked, and vanished with a crack of deku nut.

 

There was a tense moment of silence, and then--

 

“But seriously, we all agree Colin would make a damn fine woman.”

 

“Shut _up_ , Mikau!”

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally the middle of a story I'm working on, but it was the only completed scene I had and I wanted to publish something and I felt this stood on its own (despite its multitude of ambiguities!). Characters having conversation is apparently the only thing I can manage to finish.
> 
> I would like to start posting the whole story (from the actual beginning!) Check back for updates if you're interested.
> 
> ~Allegrezza


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